Back to the 80s... the 1880s.

A couple of years ago, I spent Thanksgiving with my friend, Amanda, and some of her extended family in Knoxville.  The day after Thanksgiving, they have a tradition of putting on an afternoon tea at a small, historic town nearby -- Rugby.  That year, I was, of course, drafted to help serve.  I was somewhat skeptical at first, but it turned out to be a blast!! Since then, Amanda and I have thrown several tea parties for our littles in BBBS.  And now the tradition has spread to my family. 

For the last two years, I have loaded all of Amanda's stuff and helped put together a tea party at my sister's house.  The guest list has included:  My little sis, my sister, bro in law, his mom, my two nephews, my niece, and their two cousins.  It's grown to be quite a party.  The boys help serve.  My nephews and their cousin have been dubbed the junior waiters.  The kids have a total blast... and, let's face it, so do the adults. 

So, our little tea party was last weekend.  It included everything a tea party should include: scones, pink princess spread, ridiculous hats, and a plethora of jokes about (sugar) lumps.  I tried my hand at making a rainbow cake from a recipe that I saw on pinterest.  Everything turned out really well.

Russellville INK!

Yesterday I did something that I had been thinking about doing for a few years:  I got a tattoo!! The first time I thought about getting one was the summer after I graduated from college, so that was three years ago.  I talked myself out of it then, but had thought about it occasionally since then. 

Earlier this month, I made the appointment.  I went in yesterday afternoon and began the process.  Since my tattoo was not too detailed or big, it didn't take too long.  I got it on my foot, so he had me laying in a way that I couldn't see the needle at all. 

It hurt, but not as bad as I thought it would.  The outline was the worst.  It felt like I was being stung by a bee... for about 20-30 minutes.  There were times that were uncomfortable, but he was good about asking me questions, so I'd be talking and not thinking about it. 

It felt like a sunburn for about an hour afterward and I was super aware of it, but now I can barely feel anything.  It will take a few weeks to heal completely. 

I'm sure you wanted to see pictures of my foot, but there they are anyway!  

Anyway - I got a silhouette of a sparrow to symbolize the freedom to fly.  No matter what situation I am in, I can always find the courage and strength to change and move on if necessary.  It's just another reminder to live my life to the fullest. :-)  

I have also always liked this verse in the Paul Simon song "Everything about it is a Love Song:"

"Early December and brown as a sparrow
Frost creeping over the pond
I shoot a thought into the future, and it flies like an arrow
Through my lifetime and beyond"

I was so nervous when I got there yesterday that I almost didn't get out of my car, but now I'm happy I did it!! 

Altus Wine Tour and Tasting

As I said in my last post, one of my "Arkansas Bucket List" items was to go to Altus to for a wine tour and tasting.  So, on Sunday, Amanda, Sarah, and I made the trek over there.  There are several wineries in and around Altus, but we decided to go to two of the most prominent - Post Familie and Wiederkehr. 

Our first stop was at Post and I'm happy it was.  According to their website, they are the largest Arkansas winery and the first commercial vineyard to produce here.  When we first arrived, we had our tasting with the assistance of a very friendly lady, Barbie.  We were supposed to only get five free tastings, but Barbie slipped in another one.  I guess we looked like we needed more.  I tried their Chardonnay, Blue Parachute, Moscato, Strawberry Fields, Sherry, and Altus Port.  I tend to not like the dry wines.  I did enjoy the Moscato, Sherry, and Altus Port.  The Blue Parachute had a strange taste that didn't quite catch with me... but it was packaged in a pretty bottle!!

We then went on our tour.  Our tour guide was fittingly named Sherry and we were accompanied by a colorful couple and their dog, Chewbarka.  They were definitely interesting and, by the end, had offered a "special business opportunity."  Sarah is supposed to be in contact with him to find out what exactly it is...  I'm definitely curious.  

The tour was very interesting and we even got to sample some wine out of the "big keg" (according to Amanda).  

We learned that Post is not allowed to ship directly in-state.  There is a website, www.freethegrapes.org, that explains everything in more detail and lets you send a letter to your legislators to get the ban lifted.  

Next - we went up the road to Wiederkehr's which was a let down.  They were definitely not as friendly or helpful!! We asked about a tour and they said the next one was in 25 minutes, so we did the tasting first.  We were informed that they had three that they let us try for free, but that we had to pay $3.00 to try five of anything.  We opted for the free option.  We tried those and then waited in the tour room for them to tell us when they were ready.... but they never came.  When we went and asked about it, they said that the tour had already started and we missed it.  We still purchased a few items from their store, but I would definitely recommend Post over Wiederkehr's!! 

After we paid for our wine, we went over to their restaurant, Wienkeller Restaurant, for authentic Swiss cuisine.  It's a charming restaurant and all three of us opted for the Swiss German feast which consisted of your choice of sausage (Bratwurst, Knackwurst, or Smoked Sausage), potatoes, and sauerkraut.  It was quite tasty!  

 

I'm quite happy we did this little excursion and I'm happy I got to spend some time with my wonderful friends!! I will REALLY miss them when I move.  We have too much fun together. 

 

 

Summer!

A few months ago I made the decision to move to Knoxville this August to finish my master's degree.  I'm not sure where exactly I'll end up after I graduate or if I'll come back to Arkansas, but I've decided to make the most out of my (potential) last few months in Arkansas! 

I've made an Arkansas bucket list that includes:

• Altus winery tours and tastings (crossing this off tomorrow with Sarah and Amanda! Maybe I'll post about it :)
• Clinton Library (I went a few years ago, but I was with about 50 kids, so I didn't get a whole lot out of it.)
• Crystal Bridges
• Crater of Diamonds State Park (I went during my short time in 4H, so I was pretty young.  Thinking about taking my little sis in Big Brothers Big Sisters, Beverly)
• Blanchard Springs Caverns (Again, I went when I was younger, but thinking about taking Beverly)
• Folk Center in Mountain View

I might add more later as I think of them (or learn that they exist!).  Unfortunately, I will leave Arkansas without ever experiencing Turkey Trot, Toad Suck Daze, or the Bean Fest and Outhouse races, but maybe I'll make sure to visit during those events. 

I'm sure it will be a good summer.  My lease at my apartment was up in April and I'm not moving until August so that left me trying to find a temporary place to live.  I've landed a spot in a house owned by a Lutheran pastor who also works at Starbucks.  He has one more tenant - a Chinese woman who is married, but her husband live in Little Rock.  This might turn out to be an interesting summer to say the least.  :-)

Camping!

I promised Amanda that I would post about my recent camping trip and try to start posting more frequently, so here I am!!

Last weekend, my friend, Rachel, and I embarked on a camping adventure at Piney Bay Recreational Park.  We had been trying to organize a camping trip for the last few years, but our plans always fell through.  About a month or two ago, I texted Rachel and asked if we could get a plan in action and actually go for real.  We picked last weekend since her last day at school was Friday.

She was supposed to get done with school at noon on Friday, go to her parents' house to pick up the camping stuff, and then drive to Russellville to meet me.  She texted me sometime that afternoon and said that she was running late.  I don't think she actually left Harrison until about 4 pm.  I got off work at 4:30 that day so I offered to go to her parents' house in Morrilton to pick up the camping gear. 

I headed to Morrilton after work and took everything that Angie gave me then headed back to Russellville to meet Rachel at the grocery store.  We picked up all the essentials at Kroger (Turkey dogs, marshmallows, graham crackers, chocolate, trail mix.... all the good camping stuff that wouldn't require much work!) and headed to the campsite.

Now begins the interesting part ---- Mind you, I hadn't been camping since I was in middle school when I used to go with my dad and he did all of the work!  And Rachel had gone more recently with family, but this was the first time either of us had to be responsible for the trickier parts of camping.  

Upon arrival, we unloaded my car and started unpacking everything.  I got the tent bag out and Rachel looked inside of it only to discover that there was no tent included --- only a tarp and some poles.  Whoops.

So Rachel called her parents and we decided to meet them in Russellville.  In the meantime, we decided to try our hand at building a fire.... and we failed.  We collected leaves, twigs, sticks, a log, and some newspaper.  We lit it; it died.  Repeat that step.  Three times.  A man in the campsite witnessed our feeble attempts and came over to help us.  He was brilliant; he had lighter fluid.  Genius, I tell you. 

After that, we decided that we might not survive this camping trip. Not because of a bobcat or bear, but because we seemed to be more of a hazard to ourselves.  Anyway, I left Rachel at the campsite and met her parents in Russellville to get the rest of the equipment (who knew you needed a tent to camp?!).  I decided to stop at the store on the way back to get some lighter fluid and bug spray (another item we hadn't thought of; go figure!).  I made it back to the campsite around 9:30 pm, so we had to put the tent up in the dark.  It took a while, but we finally managed.  We only found two stakes so we put those in the back and hoped that the rest of the tent wouldn't fall down.  We got creative at the front and held it down with a log and a tote.... but it was finally up!!!

We finally got to bed around 11:30 pm.  It ended up being really cold at night.  I was in a sleeping bag and had three blankets and a sheet on me.  The second night I found a sweatshirt in my trunk to use as well.  Who knew it could be so hot during the day and so cold at night!  

Saturday was significantly less eventful.  We went for a lovely walk in the morning, then decided to go fishing. This is all we caught: 

I was pretty proud of that stick.  In our defense, the water was really shallow there and we didn't have proper bait.  I think we stayed out for about 10 minutes.  

The rest of the day was filled with lounging around, reading, swimming, putting a puzzle together, making smores and hot dogs, and just chatting and laughing!  The trip was very relaxing once we got our groove!  It's very peaceful just being outside listening to insects and birds and looking at the stars.  Life is crazy sometimes, but this world is still very beautiful!  :-) 

I know I hardly ever post anything here, but I felt compelled to write something today.  It feels okay to do this here because almost no one reads this, so it's safe, right???

Today marks one year since my mother passed away.  I'm not sure if I've ever thought about my mom as much as I have in the past year.  I've relived a lot of past memories (some good; some not).  My relationship with my mother was complicated and I'm not sure it would have ever been completely repaired, but even with all of the brokenness, I still loved her.  In fact, I don't think I've ever loved her as much as I have in the past year if that makes sense. 

If I think too long about it, sometimes I get angry at her or just sad for her.  She was never too stable or sure of herself.  She was hardly strong enough to manage her own problems and she had several issues, so she had a difficult time being a mother to my sister and me.  As I've grown older and stronger, I've realized just how broken she was.  I know now that her actions were the results of traumatic events in her life that she didn't know how to handle.  I have wished over and over that things would have been different, but I know that wishing for that is useless. 

Like I mentioned earlier, in the past year, I've relived previous events over and over again.  Things that I had blocked out of my mind.  And somehow that seems to be a big part of the healing process.  Some of these things happened when I wasn't ready to handle them.  I'm strong enough now to begin letting go.  A quality both my sister and I have developed is self-reflection and awareness.  That might come from paranoia, haha, but it's better to be on the safe side, right? 

Acceptance of things like this is hard, but necessary.  I know how to distinguish her actions from my reactions and consequent actions now.  As much as I would have liked to, I could not have controlled my mom's actions.  She owned her problems completely, just as I now own mine completely.  That's an important fact that I have learned.  It's easy to become codependent, but I know that I have to accept the things that I do not have control over.  

Change is inevitable.  Sometimes it's hard, really hard, but there's no use in letting fear take control.  Time takes its course and things do seem to work out.  I'm not over my mother's death and I think it will be a while before I will be, but I know that I will be okay.  I'm thankful for my sister who understands completely and will listen to me when I need it.  

One of the biggest things that I have learned through my experiences (especially as a child) is that I cannot take anything for granted and I need to do my best to help those around me as I do not know exactly what they are going through. 

So - to my mother - I hope she has now found the peace and freedom that she was always looking for.